


Dreaming

by orphan_account



Series: this is the end [26]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e04 The End, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 22:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3827995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His nose crinkles and he reaches up one hand to swat at your face lightly, playfully. “No; this is all a dream.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreaming

You feel like you’ve been running for years and you wake up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. You stare up at the water stain on the ceiling and memorize it’s outline, remembering the time that he’d said it was shaped like Europe. He tried to find an Atlas to prove it to you, because you couldn’t remember the shape of Europe, but there wasn’t a single world map in the whole camp. You laughed and kissed him, you told him you believed him.

Looking up, you think it looks like the map of your failures. There is the spot where Sam left, there is the spot where you let your heart go, there is the spot where you broke in too many pieces to keep together anymore. There and there and there, you point out all the spots where you went wrong – where you could have been _better_.

You close your eyes and listen to his breathing beside you, shallow and even. You clench your fists at your sides and wonder – maybe if you wish hard enough, his breathing will get deeper, will even out, and when you open your eyes there won’t be a water stain and your four walls won’t be drafty and your windows will be clear and the sun will be up.

When you open your eyes, nothing has changed. You run a hand through your hair and sigh, watch the vapour from your breath escape into the air and curl like the smoke from his clove cigarettes. Your breath even smells like them from kissing him, and you wish that it smelt like peppermint toothpaste.

The sudden urge to apologize grips you and you have to fight to keep it down. There is nothing to apologize for; it’s all too late now. You turn your head to look at him and find him blinking at your lazily.

“You’re awake,” you murmur.

His nose crinkles and he reaches up one hand to swat at your face lightly, playfully. “No; this is all a dream.”

You roll your eyes and lean over to kiss him, ignoring the morning breath. You savour the moments you’re given, however they come.

“Today’s the day,” he says against your mouth.

“Today’s the day,” you agree.

* * *

The next time you close your eyes, you’re on your back in a garden and it’s your brother’s body above you. You feel a sharp pain, and then nothing.

The world goes silent and then you hear your name being called in the distance. You open your eyes and you’re looking into deep blue.

“You’re okay,” says a voice you’re so familiar with. He sounds relieved but you don’t know why. You remember dying and you don’t know what’s going on anymore but you meet his eyes and you try to smile. Behind him, the blue sky stretches on forever.

His eyes close and he kisses you and he doesn’t taste like ash. You keep your eyes open and you don’t kiss him back – you can’t. You can’t move.

And then something changes, like a shift in the world. You almost feel the grass and dirt moving underneath you before you can reach a hand up and cup the back of his head.

You close your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> So. As some of you may have realized, I haven't been posting much, if any, fic lately - especially for SPN fandom. Slowly, I've just moved into different fandoms. I chose to write this as a last send-off of my favourite series, because I feel like you all deserve to know that this is over. It is unlikely that I will be posting anymore SPN fic. I hope you all understand; should you wish, you can find me on tumblr at adamprrsh. Feel free to ask me any question under the sun about this series or any of my other SPN fics - I'd love to answer any questions you may have.  
> I also have an end!verse inspirations blog, cloveandgunpowder, which will continue to be updated.


End file.
